it was the first time I saw your back-I felt so lost and useless. Not beig able to hold u back,not being able to chill it off.and not being able to clear your doubts. While I'm running my way there,the only thing I thought was-why was I such an idiot,why was I so childish,why am I anger or sad for? As all I ever wanted was this.and somehow,I'm throwing it all away? I must be insane..and as thoughts filed my mind,feelings filled my heart..I ran even faster-fearing that everything would be disappear infront of me..Upon seeing your back-I thought..Should I just walk behind or should I go up to u? and yes,I did! But evrything wasn't as I expected..You look so emotionless,I can't read u anymore..I dunno what or which part did I do that causes this? I thought u will be fine but u merely say you're fine and ther u go..I stood there,looking like a fool..the fear,the worst scenrio..what I don't wan..Just happenED...and slowly ur back faded..and I realise,I should be headjg back...and there I ran my heart out ,my mind of thoughts and cry out how I felt..because there is nth else that I could do to save it...Silent filled but what else?


PS: It doesn't have to be.

MISSING AINT GONNA BE EASY, IT'S HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.

Dearest reader,
Haven been able to really post regularly,but today,I have got the mood and things to tell.
I have lost both of my granddaddy, I thought it not gonna hurt after awhile-a week,a month or a year? However, I'm so wrong..No matter what had change, the thought of you leaving just cant seem to leave my mind or worst, there's such a big scar in my heart that nobody gonna replaced.

The love you gave are stuck with me, and the love I gave back will never end.
The care you gave make me misses it all over again, my care for you can never be shown.
The words you gave,no matter it's encouragement,disappointment or anger...I would still want to hear it once again..

It's been 1 and a half year, and grandpa, I still do cry whenever I think of you..The promises I gave,I didnt keep it...I did for some in a long-term run but the other I just did it for a short-term one... I'm sorry once again...The regrets I gave myself for not doing enough ,for not being there when you need, for not being the perfect granddaughter..But still once things I never did regret is I'll always and forever love you..

If I were to give up the world,just to see you,feel you and care for you once again..I would...
There still so much more that you need to know,you need to see and you need to care...
I was just a sixteen year old girl then...Not crying out loud at your wake,make me feel that there's a need inside me ,hoping that I could shout out,cry out..but now, I dont seems to find the right time...I had enter poly,do you knw? I'm stressing up,why aint you here to tell me what to do? You are the one,I respected, the one I listen....Who's else there to tell me,granddad..Will you let me see your face again,just upon closing my eyes,in my dream or just in my heart?

I could still vividly rmb, the day that I touch your hand,memorising your face..And for the last time,I said I'm gonna love you for life..And for a last hug and kiss goodbye......I can tell you how much u meant, how much I need,how much I regretted-not taking a photo with you upon my sixteen birthday! Not being able to listen to you for the last time..and when I realise,it's just too late...Why didnt you wait for me....Why didnt you listen to my last word? Why did you......

Sixteen..and all I ever wanted was for you to be there for just a few more years...To be my guidance,be my angel ,be my word of wisdom...Be MY GRANDPA.....

PS:Time with you aint short nor long...But the love from me to you ,aint enough...I regretted but how? Be there for me grandpa..I just wanted you....Always..

Sincerely,
Elis Chen,(It's the best gift being your dearest granddaughter..)