A FAIRYTALE~

Dearest reader,

Today is going be a good day,I guess..Everything had been sorted out..In fact,I mistaken everything from the good to the bad..Didn't want to too..It just that I was not in the normal state,unable to think properly but today I could..It wasn't on purpose,sometimes,it just do feel that way..
And now,I recalled every single memorise I had with not only you but everyone..Indeed I wasted much time in trying which will never give me a solution,did make ppl around me feel sick and did make a fool out of myself..haha,and I just knew it..Number 1) I used to think that you're competing with me and whenever I meet you,I felt like we're starting a war and we're always on the battlefield..But now,I knew you didn't feel the way I felt..How dumb am I,wasting my time and energy(: Number 2) I used to think that there was a way to solve this and pretend that nothing happen,in my heart not mind..However,I just know that it's impossible to...It happenED and it always will remain in this way.. Number 3)I used to live in my fairy tales land and dream,waiting for that prefect prince charming,haha..I was not really dumb in believing that ,I was stupid to mistake you as him..However,it'll never happen again..

I am sorry for being in that state..I mean you are right,it shouldn't have to affect me and for 24hrs,so not worth it..In this world,he is not the only thing that could make me smile for the whole day,who make my heart beats fast and slow at the same time..It used to but not now..
And so what's there to hang on to? I don't even know,perhaps..It was a regret and a question mark that left me hanging..But today the question became a FULL-STOP..I should have know..


FAMILY
I'm missing you dearly..I miss your action,your words and your way of punishments...And know what,every time I talked about you,it just trigger my tears but if it never roll down my cheeks,it doesn't count right..so I'm not crying(: I just feels empty without you..A home but not really one,a family but not really warm and it's just like a shell without a soul...I regretted for not taking photo with you,for playing with the com rather than accompanying you..I was bad but you taught me to stop,you teaches me to stay strong and be a good girl,to get good results and to be good to everyone..But since you are gone,I cant do all of these alone,I needed you still,to constantly remind me of what I should do or say..Somehow,everything I said hurt ppl,and it hurts me to see them being hurt too..Where are you?How have you been? Do you still remember us?...I could still recall all the moments i spent with you...I still think that it wasn't a right time for you to leave us..


PS:I would rather live in fairytale than face with those hurtful action/words.


Love, elis chen..

LOVE IS JUST THE MANIPULATION OF
EMOTION~


Dearest reader,


Today I will be talking about something that has really bother me..But I think after writing this post,I won't be confuse nor irritate by it anymore...Do you know the difference of LIKE and LOVE...Actually it's simple....Firstly,it definitely involve 2 people....Secondly,their habit and character...And thirdly....Do you like or love him?.......Like could be said in a very normal and w/o a meaning way...But love is different....Normally--we say...A boy and A girl relationship is a LIKE...However, A man and A woman relationship is a LOVE....It might not be true but mostly it is...Sometimes,I would wonder why do ppl go into a relationship--Some says,I'm afraid of loneliness..And for some,they say it's cool..and for some they say it's fated,well...There's lots of ways to describe it but there's a better way which is to experience it...There's even stages to it..
Like when to treat that person good or how to...hahha,you know what,there's tons of love book out there...And the reason is the people just cant really figuring out what man/woman are thinking...We are unique..Every single one of us..That's why it is soo hard!!~~(I would really rather be a boy because I know I would be a better man)


FAMILY--
Well,I think I had spoken some (blah blah blah) nonsense above..So censored it,okay?!
Just went down with my grandma and sister(2)..haha,and know what,we bought lots of things/foods for CNY!! I am really elated to see everything back to normal..I mean I didn't really celebrated my CNY last year as you should know that my grandpa has...well..passed away...And I was so afraid that it might affect their mood and there wouldn't be CNY celebration anymore..But luckily..I mean despite my grandma problems...She could still..I dunno how to express it..but it just feels good...At least,I know what home feels like..Will it continue or it's just for cny? And grandpa,we all misses you though we know that whatever celebration,you wont be there...But in our heart you still do(:


FRIENDS--
Okay! Yesterday,I went to my primary sch friend celebration(: And it's incredible that the feeling,the years of friendship still remains...Whoa whoa!! And I really misses the time in kindergarten and primary school!~~hahaha..So I believes it's time to meet your primary
schoolmates and let just have fun...You wouldn't know what might happen...It's thrill to just think about it...(: Lovely friends indeed...They don't change if you stay in touch..!!


PS:Every single day I count when will you appear in my real life?


Love,elis chen

My neck is gonna break!


Dearest reader,


General-

I bet you should understand what I mean right...As you can SEE I have changed my blogskin..
It's rather a simple yet detailed one so I'm soooo loving it(: What's more?...When you have a blogskin that you like,you will blog more often?! hahaha,that's just part of my logic again
Anyway back to my topic...About MY today....It was rather a free day to me,no tuition and no studying! It should be a good news to me but it's NOT...And ask me why? I can't answer....
It's not just being bored,being tired....It just there's something missing...You know MIA.........
Haiz! I believes that our heart are divided into several parts...Eg: 1/4 goes to family,another goes to study,and one goes to yourself and the last 1/4 belongs to love...However,in life,it's not going to be that prefect...Somehow you wouldn't have 1/4 of something...Which causes you to feel weird or puzzled about it..You might even ask:' I feel fine but why I just cant be happy." And the story goes on....I do not know if there's going to be an end to it or perhaps a 4/4 full heart....If you wanna know,you have to move on and sometimes even putting some effort to it...~~
Life isn't just living...Life is about the happening and what makes it happen....You are the creator of your life happenings so whatever you do,act affect everything in future...It's just a theory...(:


Family-

Emm...I'm having a bad/good times with them...Because it's really hard to control my mood...I might get upset about what you said but you wont be able to tell..Or sometimes I get so piss off by what you had said...Haiz...all I could say was,it's depends...REALLY....Not just my mood but also theirs...Get it...The family tree of mine,don't just revolve around me...It's around US!!


Friends-

Okay,coming to this sensitive topic....! I do have few close friends,some never distance but some will..I mean you can sense it cause you are not a donkey? I suppose....But what can you do,you meet them up,but is it always going to be a happy ending? haha,hard to say...Anyway,I'm not having that problem yet and I hope it won't come to me...tata,that's all(:


PS:Does love/life have rules and regulations to follow,in order to live?


Love,elis chen

GIVING MYSELF MORE COURAGE TO DO IT RIGHT!

Dearest reader,
I wont be able to post regularly because I'm way too busy~hahah..Busy in working..I teaches tuition and I'm going to sell roses..Actually,this was the first time I felt truly working for the sake
of working,or should I say for the sake of money..wahahha(: Indeed,your 'own' is the best to spend,save or do whatever you want with it!~Other than all my working,I enjoyed by watching movies with my friends..ahhah so not totally that busy till my head will burst..LOLS!

Okay,I guess I'm being lame and it's totally not funny at all..Let's talk about something I had done recently,something interesting?! If I ask you this what would you answer..-"Are you currently,IN LOVE,NORMAL or FORGETTING ABOUT SOMEONE?" My answer was three in one..Part of me wanted to love someone,wanted to just have a normal life and the last best part of me wanted to forget someone...And in fact I succeed in the last part...So I guess I'm left with two?But I'm afraid that I'm lying to not anyone but myself...I couldn't,I mean I wouldn't want to know the truth..I know hiding wasn't the best but it was the best to me..I can't assimilate or try to do everything at once..I knew I could do one thing at once and nobody is forcing me..But me,I am trying to be the best,do the best in a flash..Changing,transforming to somebody better,somebody stronger...Fine,out of all the crap I might be saying..I still know I have to and will be fine..Right?Just like what everyone had said:" time will heal,you'll be fine.." Do you know,it's weird to be fine,it's weird for me not to think and it's even weirder for me to try to be your friend..So I dun wanna be..Anything that will relates me to you..And that's call THE END OF MY STORY!~


That was the first thing i wanted to say..For the second part..I would use just two words for the title:"WHAT IF"..And yes,you wonder...Many of us had said what if to somebody before..And it always makes us think about it..What if i was rich? What if we were meant to be? or what if he likes me?....That's all possible and impossible...If you were to believe and had that courage to try for the very last time,it might succeed and you might have what you want...But whatever you want,you must put in effort..it's not a talking matter or a blank pieces of paper...You have to fill in the words yourself...It's never easy but it's never hard if you had tried...
And 'YOU'..Makes me wonder what if I were to be with you...I did think about it..But whats the use,we're both not a dumb?! I mean,we know it was a joke,it was something not meant to be,it was something that we had missed,and lastly,it was something that we will forget someday...So why talk about it,why are we even thinking about it...I was a fool to follow and continue it..And I'm sorry I acted so dumb...I thought what if..But this is not a risk worth taking..I am not about to be a destroyer nor am I a spoiler...I am elis and i wanna to live as one...

In my life,I took risks like a game,like a dare..But this time round,I am not a darer nor do i dare to..I feared out..I am being challenged again and again and I never did back up..But now I don't feel like playing anymore..I wanted to just say:" Leave me out,or give me a pass."I didn't think I would come to this state,this motionless state..Unaware of the surrounding,and being afraid to lose... I was once a dare-devil but I cant stand by my foot,I'm falling and I know nobody is there for me..Even if there was,you cant support me-the pressure,the negative words and the tears from..I'm nt being sad..Because I really cant feel myself,cant feel my feelings...I feel like a zombie wandering around the corners and when will it stop? I really dunno...I dun want to be help as I know only I could save myself..In the end,I will be the only last one standing at my own turf,right? It's always me talking,thinking and bullet-shitting!! hhaha


I'm tired of your jokes,and know what I'm not as friendly as you think..I get affected easily..
Perhaps,you dunno that I'm secretly hating you only because I once love you..Only when you love someone that you can hate that person...I'm just waiting for my prince charming that I will never hate but love(: Will you be like me,awaiting for an unaware happiness..?Awaiting for the right girl?And when that happens promise to tell me all about it,the story behind it..~No matter how long it may be..


PS:Love is never what you think it is..It's unpredictable,it's amazing when it comes..

Love,
elis chen